I only apologize for being too delicious.

I’m going to go ahead and ignore the elephant in the room and say hello, this is a food post. Me? Be absent? Never? Certainly not because of a tiny sporting event called the World Cup — perhaps you’ve heard of it? I guess octopi regularly predict its results or something, all whilst being cute and cephalopod-y. I know, I know: how utterly pedestrian of me to drop a project for some soccer, but whatever whatever I do what I want.

But in honor of Getting My Life Back, please enjoy the recipe post after the cut! In the case that you might be wondering why you should even entreat to read, perhaps this tiny image will entice you:

MACARONI AND CHEESE, MOTHERFUCKERS.

I'm in your browser, enticing you to read about delicious macaroni and cheeses.

MACARONI AND CHEESE

Yield: A Lot, Taste: Delicious.

IMPORTANT NOTE BEFORE I GET TO TOWN: This isn’t my usual “OH, I STOLE IT FROM SOUTHERN LIVING AND IT’S SOOOO GOOD!” recipe; it is, quite literally, a recipe my mother made up and has mutated throughout the ages. As such, the below measurements are not approximate so much as guestimations. I’ll try to explain how much pasta and cheese you should have as I go in the instructions, as it’s very sight/touch-oriented, but thank your lucky stars that our white sauce recipe is Very Exact — after all, it’s straight from Julia fucking Child, y’all.

  • 3-4 cups macaroni or other types of small pasta (e.g.: shells, rigatoni, etc.)
  • 2-3 cups shredded cheeses of choice, combined (we use Jack and mozzarella, but there was this one time that we went balls to the walls and used Havarti, smoked Gouda, and even a little Brie — point being, use your discretion for your ~desired flavors~)
  • 1/4 cup dried onions (basically, a “handful” — I know, SO PRECISE)
  • 3 tablespoons butter
  • 3 tablespoons flour
  • 1/2 teaspoon salt
  • Dash nutmeg
  • Dash cayenne pepper
  • 1 1/2 cups milk
  1. Prep (school)! Preheat oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit. Boil pasta to specifications; set aside. If you’re the type of people who like to hand-shred their cheeses, please do so now and get them all nice and cozy with each other. Salivate.
  2. Time to make the white sauce, SO LISTEN UP! Whisk together flour, salt, nutmeg, and pepper in an bowl; set aside. Melt butter in a medium-sized saucepan over medium heat. Once your butter is all melted and happy, add dry ingredients to saucepan and whisk to incorporate. You’ll know it’s ready when it looks like a smooth, shiny paste with no lumps! Start adding the milk slowly, whisking as you go along, until you add all the milk to your sauce. (TIP: The reason why we do this slowly is so we don’t get your sauce all lumpy and gross, which totally wrecks your mac and cheese mojo.) Whisk until slightly thickened, which will take roughly five minutes depending on how Awesome your range is. Make sure it isn’t too thick; you’ll find out why in the next step.
  3. It’s time for assembly. Grease a Very Deep Casserole; here is a visual aid to show you the kind of casserole I’m talking about. Fill your casserole dish halfway through with pasta, cover with half of cheese mixture, and then sprinkle with dried onions. Then, cover with remaining pasta and remaining cheese. When everything is assembled, pour white sauce over cheese and noodles; if it doesn’t seep in immediately, it’s okay, but IDEALLY it should start soaking through the noodles pretty fast.
  4. Pop in the 350 degree oven for 30 minutes, or until top is (in the words of Ming Tsai) “GBD — golden brown and delicious.” Explode upon consumption.

Apologies again for the super-vague recipe, but this is definitely a try it and adjust as you feel comfortable. If you don’t want the onions, for instance, omit! Test and see how thick or thin you want your white sauce. And, of course, cheese choices. I hope this gives you delicious joy, guys! Also also, I’m not sure how much it yields, but it is easily categorized as A LOT.

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  1. DAMN, ALISON. This is making me hungry. I will try this recipe this weekend. ❤

    • It’s your weekend, lady! I am waiting with bated breath (not baited!) to hear what you think. Barring that, I at least want to know what your lovely weekend was like.

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