The world’s easiest bread, I swear. MAKE IT NOW.



So, you’re probably wondering what the above is. Rather than asking, how about you nut up, shut up, and read the post. (WARNING: today, I feel feisty. It’s because of the BREAD.)

Apparently, it takes a fair amount of work to plan a mad cheap trip across the country. Most of my week has been devoted to ensuring that I don’t have to delve into neon orange nacho cheeses and limp hamburgers at every terminal in the only way I know how: cooking my own damn food.

Given that I’m trying to cook for both trips, I’ve been worried about spoilage as much as I have nutrition. Ergo, I’ve been exploring lots of vegan and vegetarian foodstuffs since shit son, veggies ain’t gonna spoil much. (This is not extended to my tasty Thai tuna. That sounds really homoerotic, but whatever.) And what do I want to have as my be all end all bread to shovel my falafel and Nutella-granola sandwiches alike within? Oh, I don’t know, maybe some PITA BREAD?

Pita bread — and verily, all sorts of yeast breads — may seem scary for the novice baker, but to this I say “p’shaw.” Yeast bread is kind of low maintenance, really; first, you whisk up your little dudes to get them all alive and pumping, then you let them rise some more after you incorporate them into the dough. The most work you have to do with these guys is knead them for ten minutes — and really, if you can’t knead for ten minutes, then perhaps you should give up your card-carrying right as an Awesome Human Being.

Sorry, imaginary blog reader. That might have been a little harsh.

Anyway, please go behind the cut to read this super-easy recipe for pita bread that bakes up like a dream! If not, I will probably not punch you through the screen, but that’s mostly because I value my electronics and do not harbor any illusions RE: the feasibility of such an act actually harming you.


Taken from the e-pages of The Kitchn — go there if you don’t like your recipes to be verbally abusive!
  • 1 cup warm water
  • 2 teaspoons active dry or instant yeast
  • 2 1/2 cups flour, + 1/3 to 1/2 cup extra for kneading/rolling
  • 2 teaspoons salt
  • 1-2 teaspoons olive oil
  1. MIX the water and yeast together; let it sit for five minutes so your yeast can wake up, make friends, and have a foamy party. Add yeast party to flour, salt, and olive oil and stir around with your fingers until “a shaggy dough forms” (which is Kitchn-ese for a lumpy, not-too-pretty ball of dough that might have a few extra crumblies sticking to the bottom of the bowl).
  2. TURN your dough out onto your usual kneading surface, which should be dusted with some flour. Knead your dough for 10 minutes — and don’t puss out, you little shit! How else are you going to get fine biceps and triceps if not for making bread? While this is going on, I suggest turning on some sweet tunes, like a mash-up playlist you forgot existed until you went to clean out your iTunes or perhaps some overdue podcasts? You’ll thank me later. Anyway, you’ll know when your ten minutes is up; your dough will become less shaggy and more a beautiful, smooth ball with an elastic texture! It’ll be gorgeous, darling, simply gorgeous.
  3. CLEAN your mixing bowl and coat it with a thin layer of olive oil. Take your dough and roll it around in the bowl until it too is coated in oil; then, cover it with a tea towel and let sit for 1-2 hours, or until it doubles in bulk. If you’re at a loss for what to do at this point, I suggest engaging in fine activities such as packing for any vacations you may have in the near future, blogging about any previous pita bread batches you’ve made within the past few hours, being sassy in someone’s general direction, and dance parties. Oh, or you could make lemonade. Actually, that sounds like a brilliant plan that will probably be blogged about in the next few hours. OH SNAP.
  4. PREHEAT your oven to 450 degress Fahrenheit sometime during this 1-2 hour rising period; if your oven is anything like mine (e.g.: ancient, slow, unreliable), I suggest doing this 30 minutes before your rising time is done. If you’re lucky enough to have a baking stone, put it in the oven cold and have it heat up with the oven. If you’re a poor schmuck like me, just get your largest cookie sheet and slide her in. Same difference except for the part where everything baked that ever touches a baking stone apparently tastes like it came straight from Zeus’s ambrosial asscheeks.
  5. DEFLATE your dough after it’s risen — but do so gently, because it’s white, squishy, and needs tender love. Divide your dough into eight equal pieces and set aside until you’re ready to roll those little suckers out. This might be a great time to start flouring your kneading surface and rolling pin, by the by. Just saying.
  6. ROLL one of your little dough pieces into a circle 8-9″ wide and 1/4″ thick — kind of like a slightly large pancake. If your dough is sticking, sprinkle a little more flour underneath so it DOESN’T STICK. You know, common sense. When I do this, I roll them out in batches of four (which is coincidentally how many pita breads my little sheet can handle) and stack them with a tea towel between each bread. No big.
  7. PLACE rolled-out pita breads on your stone/sheet and bake for 3 minutes, or until the bread puffs up! If you want them a little less blond like above and a little more GBD (god bless you, Ming Tsai), bake them for 4 or 5 minutes — just keep an eye on them and make sure that they have the color you like. Again, if your oven is ghetto like mine, this may take a lot longer — read, 4-5 minutes just for your breads to arrive in Puffville, USA. Moral of the story: WATCH YOUR BREAD. It’s not that hard. Actually, you’ll probably want to do it anyway because it is a miraculous process.
  8. EAT. Or store, no big!

What are you waiting for? DO IT.

    • Steph
    • July 22nd, 2010

    Girl, I love your verbally abusive recipes. Also, no complaints from me re: vegetarian/vegan recipes. You know that’s how I roll. ❤

    • Oooh, I have a mad dearth of veg-related recipes to give you when I get back then. I’d do it now, but they are actually on .docs so I can’t give you URLs. POINT BEING, THERE IS MORE WHERE THIS CAME FROM AW YEAH.

    • Maggie
    • July 22nd, 2010

    allison, darling, I love you. I think I just laughed so hard a rib punctured a lung! I’m going to have to keep up with your blog. a definite highlight for my day! 😀

    • But your lungs, Maggie! Those are important artifacts that are important to the breathing experience! These must be saved.

      But I digress — please do follow! Knowing that people are reading my blog that I know makes it a lot easier for me to post and I really, really, really need to get into the habit. Something about how digital presences on the internet help your art become more visible, blah blah blah whatever. The twenty-first century workplace is so strange. Also, I’m not sure how professional my blog is right now but that is another WHATEVER.

  1. No trackbacks yet.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: